The Power of Forgiveness – How set yourself free

The power of forgiveness is so underrated because it’s highly misunderstood. This is something that will heal you inside out and free you from someone else’s baggage. 

Often times we are asked to forgive someone and we find it really very difficult. This is not because we want to hold on to some grudges for others but we’re not ready to accept and forget. However, forgiving someone is not about forgetting their wrong-doing.

No one, in the entire world can literally force you to forgive someone for something wrong they did to you. You are so allowed to be angry and furious and not forget whatever happened to you. My story of forgiveness is quite the same. It took me years and I’m still learning to forgive the people who spread toxicity in my life and made me feel so less.

In different stages of life, we all face people different from us. Some we bond with while some break us. I was bullied in high school for not being quite posh or elite-class, I was felt so less and not so worthy of anything. I would get excluded from groups, being marked as ‘boring’ and ‘not so cool’. This really crushed my confidence and I stopped making friends.

It took me a long to render forgiveness to everyone who made me feel less or unworthy but it is also because of such life incidents that I am now reclaiming my power back and empowering others to heal themselves.

You might have faced different situations and maybe more severe (though trauma or hurt cannot be compared ever) but holding onto the feelings of anger, frustration, resentment is not harming them but you. It’s like the baggage you’re carrying which isn’t yours.

Accepting and forgiving will give you the power to move ahead and find your own truth instead of being stuck where they left you.

Related piece: How to get rid of toxic friends

Why do you need to practice forgiveness?

As I mentioned earlier, forgiveness is not for them. It’s for setting yourself free from their actions and thoughts. The power of forgiveness is not realized because we fail to understand that forgiving someone means taking back the power in our hands.

By forgiving them, you no longer allow them to dictate your life or your emotions. You no longer give them the power to control you and your thoughts. How powerful this can be!! Understand this, you’re doing this work for yourself and you so deserve to be free of unworthy relations or friendships. You also don’t have to let them know that you forgive what they did to you. It’s for your inner well-being.

There still are times when I’m not able to forgive people for everything they did to make me suffer but keeping it stuck within will only harm me. Hence, I choose to forgive them and grab myself from that stagnant place of being stuck.

5 powerful ways to practice forgiveness

These are the five powerful thought or mindset shifts that helped me realize the power of forgiveness and why I needed it the most:

1. Acknowledge and take time to process the pain

Acceptance has so much power to make things less complex. Moreover, forgiveness doesn’t mean you numb your feelings to feel better. You’re allowed to feel your pain and to show all the emotions attached to it. I feel lighter after I cry hard and that’s okay.

This is my way of letting my emotions flow through me and crying or grieving doesn’t make you weak. We are just human beings and showing our emotions is so human of us. Take your time to process the pain and also acknowledge whatever happened instead of just trying to feel better always. Toxic positivity is not needed here.

Use your journal to let your pain flow or seek professional help to get things out of your head. Help yourself out from getting stuck in these emotions because you will never regain your power back if you stay being a victim always.

Related piece: How to start Journaling – A to Z guide

2. Take action to give your life a new direction

Moving forward is the only way of life. Once you acknowledge your pain, take action and give your life a new meaning. So many times, we fail to live our best life and miss on to great opportunities because we live from a state of anger, resentment, frustration, and being a victim.

Don’t get me wrong here, I do understand your pain and honor your strength but it’s your responsibility to give your life a new direction. This action can be taking the first step and reaching out if the matter can be resolved or render them forgiveness so that you can move on with your life.

Again, you’re not forgetting their action but forgiving them for everything they did. These people won’t even have an idea that you’re holding on to so much anger or ill feelings against them. They simply would be living the normal life while you will remain stuck if not for forgiveness.

3. Practice self-forgiveness everyday

There’re times when we blame ourselves for their actions. I used to blame myself for not being cool enough to hang with my high-school friends and this used to make me feel so low. It was a hard practice to accept myself and practice self-forgiveness.

Though they’re at fault for doing all those things maybe for a break-up or toxic childhood or even toxic friendship, there’s always an underlying self-blame. We blame ourselves for not being the perfect romantic partner or the child who deserves love or a friend who noticed the toxic patterns and continued.

It’s necessary to understand that you did what you thought was best with all the resources you had at that time. Show some compassion and forgive yourself. You’re still learning every day. I love writing forgiveness letters to my inner child to help myself feel loved and safe.

4. Try walking in their shoes

So while I was meditating through a guided meditation today; I was told to look in the eyes of the person whom I want to forgive and go deep and see their childhood. There may be something unhealed in them that’s causing them to hurt others. This made me realize how truly powerful it was. Understand this, hurt people hurt people.

A parent who is controlling may have the voice of their controlling parent, the ex who betrayed you may be sabotaging his/her own relationship, the friend who always pulls you down may be dealing with his own self-doubts. These are unhealed people who cannot really help themselves and it’s only through hurting others did they justify their ego-self. Also, this doesn’t mean we are accepting everything they did right.

We have all the right to be angry and furious for their acts but knowing that we can treat them as human it becomes easier to practice forgiveness.

5. Understand that forgiveness is for YOU

Again, you don’t have to tell someone that you forgive them. They don’t need to know about your forgiveness but rendering them forgiveness will make you feel so at peace. There’s this feeling of taking baggage off your shoulder once you practice forgiveness and maybe this is the power of forgiveness that helps you to let go and move on with your life.

Forgiveness can be the purest form of self-love because you love yourself so much more than what’s holding you back. Understand that this whole idea of forgiving someone is not for them; it’s only for YOU.

These were some of the powerful mindset shifts that always help me practice forgiveness. Journal your thoughts and let go of everything that’s holding you back. I also have some mantras of forgiveness for you to help you in this journey of realizing the power of forgiveness.

Affirmations for practicing forgiveness:

1. I am forgiving everyone who did wrong to me.

2. I am willing to forgive and move ahead in my life.

3. I understand that forgiveness is for me and not for them

4. I release this baggage of someone else’s action

5. I forgive myself and set myself free.

6. I exchange shame and anger with self-love and self-compassion

7. I forgive everyone in past and release them with love

The power of forgiveness – the conclusion

I totally understand that this is going to be tough so please don’t be hard on yourself and show compassion. Just keep reminding yourself that this power of forgiveness is solely for freeing you and nothing else. This doesn’t justify their wrongdoings nor you’re obliged to get back together with such a person. Just render them peace and free them from your energetic circle.

Listen to Ho’oponopono meditation on YouTube as it’s really helpful in practicing forgiveness. In the end, remember that we are all humans trying to do the best we can with whatever we have. I would love to hear back from you. Do drop a comment or just send the email. I will get back to you.

Want to join the community of mindful people? Here you go. Join the mental health journaling course and find your peace.