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How to be alone and not feel lonely

The art of being alone and not feeling lonely

Do you feel lonely when you’re left alone all by yourself? Maybe you love and enjoy being with others but you feel totally lonely when you’re all alone. There is beauty in being alone and not feel lonely because you enjoy yourself.

alone but not lonely

The times when we fail to enjoy our own company, we start feeling lonely when we are alone. You aren’t alone in this. Many of us do feel lonely when no one is around because we don’t know who actually we are. We are not comfortable being with ourselves and opening our raw selves in front of us.

You can be your best company once you start realizing your true self and enjoy the bliss of solitude.

Remember how we use to love being alone during our childhood when our parents would go for some quick errands? However, the idea of being alone now scares us because we don’t enjoy being with ourselves. This may seem a little harsh but that’s the truth.

But don’t you worry, this is the exact piece you need to read if you want to be alone but not lonely. I’m going to dive deep and give you some practical tips to enjoy your own company.

“If you wanted to do something absolutely honest, something true, it always turned out to be a thing that had to be done alone.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

There’s such a fine difference between being alone and feeling lonely. In the end, you will realize that you can be alone but not lonely.


Being alone v/s feeling lonely

There’s such a thin line between being alone and being lonely but it’s so important to understand this. You may be an introvert ( like me) who loves being in solitude and enjoys his own company. However, that doesn’t mean you’re friendless or you don’t like others’ company.

You can leave me alone for hours and I would be super happy diving into the peace of oneness but I do have friends and family whom I love. This is called as being alone and enjoying aloneness.

I always look forward to my ‘me -time’ because I absolutely love the idea of sitting with myself and rediscovering ‘ who am I’. I often practice journaling while I’m alone.

On the contrary, you can be surrounded by your family, friends, and yet feel left out or disconnected. This is when you feel lonely. You can have everyone by your side but you still feel empty inside.

Thus, if you enjoy your own company, you can always be happy being alone. This is why being alone is not lonely.

Finding bliss in solitude

Solitude is the blissful state where you enjoy and long for your own company. You feel rejuvenated when you’re with yourself and being alone doesn’t scare you anymore.

The poets especially find beauty in being alone because they’re filled with so many ideas and emotions in their alone time which definitely wouldn’t be possible when they’re surrounded by humans.

How to be alone but not feel lonely

Here are some simple yet efficient tips that helped me enjoy myself even when I was alone:

1. Avoid comparing yourself with others

This is the worst you can do to yourself. We aren’t seeking our best self but instead, we are so in the comparison game that we compare our lives with some Insta-worthy picture. I know it’s easier said than done and I too was in the same place.

I used to see all the stories of successful people and their well-curated life on Instagram and always feel left behind. It was a hard practice but I’m still learning to stop comparing myself with others because we really don’t know what’s happening with them behind those perfect pictures. Comparision will get you nowhere and in the end, you will only feel lonely and left out.

Related piece: How to overcome the fear of being judged.

2. Feel comfortable in your own company

The best tip for being alone but not lonely is learning to enjoy your own company. When you’re your best friend, you really don’t crave for someone to make you enjoy your life. It’s truly said that happiness is an inside job and that happens when you’re comfortable with yourself.

Find out somethings that you love doing or make the list of all the activities that make you happy. Dive deep into yourself and find who you are before the world told you what you should be.

When you do some self-reflection and discover yourself, you will love your company and your aloneness will be your best place.

3. Have a creative outlet

This is the best thing you can do while being alone. I crave for aloneness to create and work on my creativity. There’s such a beauty in being with yourself and just draw, paint, or write what your heart wants. You surely don’t have to be an expert to find your creative outlet.

I used to pressurize myself a lot on being perfect while I create but now I just enjoy the process without worrying about the final outcome.

If you love drawing, painting; enroll yourself in some online classes, and start exploring. If you’re more into DIY, crafting, knitting; find some inspiration from Pinterest, and just start doing. Everyone is an artist, we just lose ourselves while growing up.

4. Accept yourself wholeheartedly

Invite self-acceptance in your life by accepting the authentic you. The main reason that we feel lonely while being alone is that we don’t accept the way we are.

We always turn to others for their opinions and suggestions without wondering within. This is because we don’t quite trust ourselves.

Now is the time to practice radical self-acceptance and trusting your instincts. You are unique and different the way you are. Once you start accepting your truer self, you will feel confident in your own company.

5. Heal your inner-child

Being alone scares us because we are afraid to meet our inner-child who still asks for healing. We may have faced different situations and conditions in our lives which left us wounded. This aloneness is the time to heal those wounds and help your inner-child to feel peace.

being happy alone

Healing your inner-child requires re-parenting yourself and taking care of yourself just as some guardian. This process may seem tough and a lot of work but it will help you grow into a totally new human whom you will surely adore.

Here’s the complete guide on re-parenting your inner child.

6. Make plans for solo outings

If you’re someone who loves traveling, this is the best thing to do when you’re alone. Figure out some places that you would love to explore alone and plan your solo outings. You don’t have to sit home and pout about being alone when you can have all the fun with yourself.

If this is your first time, I will suggest trying it to some familiar place and then venture out gradually. I’m not much of a traveler but I love to take myself on a ride or a long drive when I’m alone. It’s so much fun being with yourself and enjoying the beauty of nature. Pack your backpack and plan your journey!!

7. Love, love yourself

The key to finding yourself is falling in love with your own kind. We have become our worst critics and have been criticizing our every move. We are always setting unrealistic standards of perfection and beating ourselves up when we fail to reach them.

This makes it impossible to find peace within and be happy alone. The only way to stop being hard on yourself is to practice self-love.

being happy alone

Self-love has many forms and one of them is being kind to yourself. If you won’t say something to your best friend, you shouldn’t say it to yourself too. Self-love is the silent magic that will help you being with yourself even when no one else is. Be mindful of your thoughts and words that you say to yourself, they have a deep impact on your well-being.

Here’s how you can practice self-love even when you don’t know what it is.

8. Nurture your mental and physical health

Taking care of yourself will definitely let you enjoy your company and you will proudly be alone but not lonely. Have a daily self-care routine where you plan nourishing your soul, mind, and body.

  • For nourishing your mind:

Try out some mindful self-care activities to nourish your mind such as practicing mindfulness throughout your day. I have recently started practicing mindful eating and that has helped me nurture my mind and body. Journaling is the best mindful exercise that I practice every morning by writing morning pages.

  • For nourishing your soul:

To nourish your soul, bring more peace and calm into your daily lives. You can do so by being in nature, reading soulful books, listening to soothing music, creating something that your heart wants. Do everything that soothes your soul especially when you’re alone. You will find the bliss of solitude with this activity.

  • For nourishing your body:

Increase those feel-good hormones by moving your body every day. If you don’t like exercising every day, do it for a few days a week and go for some dance class, yoga sessions for the remaining ones. If you have a pet, take him out for a walk in nature or play around with him. I love practicing yoga in the morning followed by a quick Zumba dance.

Here’s the ultimate guide to practice self-care.

9. Make plans for future

Get into some nerdy mode and create your future plans. What do you want to be after 5 or 10 years? or What are some of the goals that you want to accomplish within that time span?

When you start planning about your future, you create a picture of opportunities and lively life which then makes you accountable for how you spend your time. Even during in aloneness, you will want to focus on your ‘why’ and work on yourself to achieve your goals.

Your plans don’t need to be perfect or super rigid but try to set some realistic goals without beating yourself up. This is the best way to start enjoying your company and be comfortable with being alone.

10. Discover your soul’s calling

What is something that you wish to remember for when you leave? Do you have some burning desire to accomplish before everything ends? Go deep within and re-discover yourself. You can only be happy alone when you do something you love. Having a passion always fuels the purpose of living.

Alone but not lonely

Create a list of things you’re passionate about, make a strategic plan or ask for guidance if needed, and start working on it. You get only one life to do everything you wish to and you surely don’t want to lose this one, single chance of fulfilling your wildest dreams.

Your dreams will always remind you of how being alone is not quite being lonely.

Being alone but not lonely – the final thoughts

My darling, it can surely be intimidating being alone at first. However, when you start loving yourself and enjoying your own company, you will find bliss in aloneness.

Make a list from the above tips that calls you because you surely don’t have to follow them all. Let this be your guide to re-visit whenever you feel lonely and left out. Take it one day at a time – you will soon find the comfort in aloneness and being happy with yourself.

I would love to know your thoughts on being alone and yet not feel lonely.

Let’s chat in the comments below.

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Comments

  • Mama Pinot

    September 19, 2020 at 8:22 pm
    Reply

    Love this article! You have so many ideas on how to nourish your body, mind and soul. Thanks for these!

About Me
I’m Sonia from Gujarat, India – an author, mental health advocate, blogger and a lifelong dreamer. – the writer of this blog and an author of the poetry book ‘Silent Defiance’. Read More

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