5 things to do when you cannot forgive + forgiveness mantras
It really took me too long to actually understand the term forgiveness. I always referred it as the weak side or an easy escape to hurt which it wasn’t.
I was not much into forgiveness until the day my what if and grudges grew tall enough to pounce upon me. Do you linger more often in your past or do you feel like I should have done this or replied this to the person that caused me the hurt?
Well, I too was in the same boat and I had to realize that it is my own water that will sink my boat unless I had some life-saver.
We often dwell in our past thinking about all the hurt and pain. Not only with others, we hold grudges back with our own self too.
What a misery it is not to be able to forgive our own self?
I was in the condition where I could not just let the hurt go. I was clinging to it like a bud to thorns unaware of all the harm I caused to myself.
I searched and read about the power of letting go and that it comes only when you practice forgiveness.
There was a time when even after years I was not able to let that sour part of their memory leave my heart. It used to pop up from nowhere and I really felt so helpless getting anxious and angry all the time.
I was not able to live in present because of this. I was actually the victim of their deeds and how long it took me to understand that I did not deserve these feelings. That I cannot let myself suffer for their hurt for their unkind behavior.
The first thing that seemed to me so difficult was to accept the thing that the humans I trusted actually broke me, tore me. I never really felt strong back then. It was so very hard to accept the fact.
If at all I could go back and make myself understand the power of forgiveness, I would have been baggage free a long time ago.
But it all happens for a reason and it happened to make me strong, to make me realize the power I behold.
If you are sharing the same journey as mine, then this post is for you. I pray for your healing through the act of forgiveness.
What is forgiveness?
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
- Lewis B. Smedes
Forgiveness means to set free, to have freedom without debt. You cannot expect forgiveness from every individual. It takes a brave heart to forgive and here I, in no mean, am telling you to forget.
It is alright to forgive and yet not to forget. But forgiveness is the must for it will free you, free you from their cage of thoughts.
I agree with this journey of setting yourself free isn’t easy and that it also takes a lot of hard work and patience.
You cannot practice this act of forgiveness unless you develop the sense of feeling your emotions unless you value yourself.
Why do you need to forgive people?
This is like why you need to stop hurting yourself. Why do you wish to be caged in their thoughts, in their deeds?
The sole reason that gave me the strength to forgive was SELF-LOVE. I do not deserve shits in my life and hence I had to forgive them even though they don’t deserve the ounce of it.
Remember, you are doing this for yourself because you are important. Hence, forgive them for even the almighty God asks us to do so.
Let us think about the other side of not forgiving.
Whom will it harm to?
To the one who caused you the hurt or to the one you are hurting itself more because of remembering it?
I hope you got the answer to this.
Stop hurting yourself and give them the gift of forgiveness.
I have plenty of poems on forgiveness up on my Instagram page and even in my upcoming book.
Practicing forgiveness renders you immense strength.
Let us dive deep into this art of forgiving others as well as oneself:
Practicing forgiveness is very crucial for our mental health well-being. Imagine the situation when someone cannot really forgive you when they still hold the grudges against you when they are unable to let go off the past.
We all are humans and we all make blunders at times. It was the kindness of others that made me realize the art of rendering forgiveness. It is because of those kind-hearted humans that I learned to be kind.
How to practice the art of forgiveness:
Know your worth and let yourself get unchain from the hurt that you are causing yourself because of someone’s deeds. Value yourself enough to know what you deserve and what not. Refrain from everything that fails to soothe your soul.
Stop dwelling in past
Often we are unable to forgive because we are in the continuous loop of thoughts of our past happenings. We keep imagining things and keep thinking about the same incident whole day long. This disturbs our mental state eventually leading to our anxious and angry behavior.
In order to forgive others, we must be able to forgive ourselves first. If one cannot forgive oneself for the deeds they did, he/she can never forget the one who caused them harm.
There is immense strength in prayer. Just by reciting his name, everything seems happening. And even the Lord himself orders us to forgive our mates and not to hold grudges. Being obedient to his words is the best way to show gratitude for everything he does for us.
Stop blaming yourself
It is not your fault that is causing you the hurt. Stop degrading yourself because of their deeds. We at times put ourselves so down that we forget about the actual hurt we are causing to our own self.
Acknowledge your growth
Everytime you forgive, you grow strong. The beauty of being human kindles from the soul that knows how to forgive others. This helps you to build a better relationship with oneself.
What to do when you are not able to forgive?
Here are some ways to practice forgiveness when you cannot forgive:
These are a few things that I practice and work on when I am not able to forgive someone:
Forgiveness is not for them but you
Once I realize that this art of forgiveness is not for them but for the nourishment of my own soul, my own well-being, I got the motive to render them forgiveness.
We all are forgiven
We all make mistakes and someone like us has had forgiven us for our deeds and now it is our turn to forgive someone who needs our forgiveness.
We live once
The thought of uncertainty is beyond scary. In this one life we need to learn to be human and the traits of the human include forgiveness. Why leave this world with a heavy heart when we can actually lay the baggage down?
Practice forgiveness mantra
The only reason of us forgiving them is our peace of mind which will be hindered otherwise. It doesn’t mean that we accept or agree with the deeds they did to us. You can always forgive and disagree at the same time.
Lay your hurt down
Rest your hurt on that almighty who knows all the happenings. Give him all your burden, sorrows, pain, hurt and let him take care of all the things. Remember, when I am not able, my god is.
[bctt tweet=”When we forgive someone, we actually give up our right to revenge.” username=”]
Here are some forgiveness mantras:
- I am strong enough to forgive others as well as myself.
- My Lord asks me to forgive his creatures.
- I am growing and nourishing through forgiveness.
- I do not deserve this hurt.
- I am not worthy of dwelling in past.
- I want to experience the fullness of being alive.
- I cannot live with such heavy baggage.
- I let go off everything that hurt me.
- I am resting my hurt on his lap.
- My God is more powerful than everything in this whole universe.
To understand all this, it took me three whole years and still at times I do find it difficult to forgive people.
But once you realize the whole point of giving yourself peace, you will be able to forgive the humans who caused you the hurt.
Remember, it will take time. Much more time but also know that once you develop this art of forgiving others, you will feel the immense respect for yourself. You will feel the sense of accountability for your mental health and for your own well-being.
Often we get anxious because of being unable to accept things and forgive humans. In this process of reducing my anxiety, writing has helped me a lot. Even while writing this log, I feel so relieved so relaxed.
Here is the detailed post on 5 ways writing helped me reduce my anxiety.
I also use various methods to calm myself down and to sort out the mess in my head.
Journaling has helped me every single time to get more focus and clarity in life. You can check out the detailed blog post here.
I hope that this post gave you an insight regarding a better life.
I would love to hear from you all regarding forgiveness. What do you do for your peace?
And guys, I am just a mail away in case you need someone to talk to.
You can always contact me through the mail or ping me up on my Instagram. But I reply emails very often soon.